The Insight

First off, I would like to thank you all for the concern and care. Also friends at work who had been calling to support me. They were all shock, after reading last my blog. I am not surprise, as I'm gifted with hiding all my problems. *wink* Or it could be that I work in the front line and are used to smiling even if it is my worst day of all. Hmmm..........

What happened? Is all I've been hearing. So here goes. Also I hope, that in this post I could somehow help young couple to be prepared.

If it were weeks ago, I would have said it was my ex husband fault. But truly...., its mine.
I got married 7 years ago when I was just 21. Married to a convert was not easy. I wasn't prepared. I wasn't even prepared to getting married. I thought that LOVE conqured all (Painfully learned that, that is not the case). Did not identify my responsibilities as a wife to a convert. I can only hope God forgive me. Married to someone outside my race is not easy either. I expect him to just blend in with my culture, like I did with his. But I forgot, that no one is alike. No one thinks like I do. I forgot that everyone is unique.

My insecurities....

Everytime we had an argument, I keep telling him to let me go. I had never really meant it.
I just say it so that I would have the upper hand. If he really want to let me go, then I would not feel so bad cause I said it first. Guess he had enough of that. I can only hope that he would forgive me for my stupidity even though we are no longer together.

Financial....

We don't really talk about it. When problem arises, we just argue. I shall say we have lots of misunderstanding on this one.

I am not always right....

Being the last in my family, almost all of the time I get my way. So its hard for me to give in. I never really learned to compromise.

Hmmm..., before I started this post. I have alot of things to write. But right now, my mine are full with things like.

Can I really get used to waking up alone?
How am I going to celebrate Eid without a husband?
Will everyone in my family hate me?
Can I face my beloved mother in-law or rather ex-mother in-law? Will it be weird?
Can I really be a good single mother?
Will my kids hate me?

So many questions.....

Lets hope tomorrow the sun shine on me. They say everything that happened has its silver lining? I'm still waiting for mine..........